"...bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses ...

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 16:00:06 GMT

Firstly the bad news:
I was dismissed from work this morning. My boss said that he's so sorry but he have to dismiss me (my sister and my cousin, too) because he has some solvency problems.
... I won't talk about it. I'm so f#*&ing angry...

But there's also a good news:
I get to The Pomeranian University in Slupsk! I'm English philology student! Can you believe it?
I'm so happy I can hardly think. Thanks for keeping your fingers crossed *HUG*

Little wonder then, little wonder You little wonder, little wonder you...

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 21:30:48 GMT

That was a hard day. I've to be at work at 5am and I was home at 2pm. I work with my cousin, we were talking about her one year old son and she told me that she had a plans for weekend but her son's babysitter is ill so she have to change her plans and stay home tonight.
So I said that I could take care of him. I saw him only few times so I regretted what I said in the same time. What's more I had completly no experience with taking care of babies.
But I wasn't that bad as I thought it would be. At the beginning he was confused but me and my sister took him for a walk.
He's really cute baby but I'm definitely not ready to have one.

That's me with Dorian

and here's Dorian. I just love his big blue eyes.

Strange fascination, fascinating me

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 19:34:01 GMT

I hadn't go to work today so I finally did a few things for which I hadn't time or I just didn't feel like it. First of all I did a thorough cleaning. I had no idea how many cables I have around my bedside table...
Then I went shopping, I hate it but this time I did even enjoy it. I bought myself a camera. Nothing special, but me and my sister used to have one camera and always when I needed or wanted to take some pictures, the battery was dead because my dear sister "forgot to charge it".

I spent rest of my day reading Sailor's Journal. Twisk's on holiday so probably no one else would know what I'm talking about. Maybe Rabbit will, finally she's a Rabbit.

I'm in a good mood today. I think it's because of Bowie's "Hunky Dory". I can't stop smiling when I'm listening to this album. Love it!

"Happiness is happening
The dragons have been bled
Gentleness is everywhere
Fear's just in your Head
Only in your Head
Fear is in your Head
Only in your Head
So Forget your Head
And you'll be free"

Bowie - Fill you heart

Hugs for all of you :)

Ziggy played for time...

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 13:35:00 GMT

I still haven't gotten my results from university. Waiting is killing me.
But I'm getting more and more calm. Know I can't do nothing more than waiting now.

I've lost a friend 3 weeks ago. It's quite hard to understand that you don't actually know a person who was for you like a sister for such a long time. It's painful but I won't take the blame, not this time.
Maybe it would be just a little bit easier if I move out from the town. Finally I'll have to if I get to the University.

"And I'm gone gone gone
And I'm older than movies
Oh let me dance dance dance
Now I'm wiser than dreams
Let me fly fly fly
While I'm touching tomorrow
And I know who's there
When silhouettes fall
And I'm gone"
David Bowie- Dead man walking

"The return of the Thin White Duke throwing darts in lovers' eyes..."

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 18:57:02 GMT

I didn't write for a really long time...
I started my holiday job on Monday and I'm completly exhausted. I can barely think. I'll work 6days per week for 2 months and I already can't feel my feets.

I know my exams results now and I'll try to get to the University. I submitted my application today, so please, keep your fingers crossed!

"As the philosopher Jagger once said: You can't always get what you want..."

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 12:40:07 GMT

I'm mad as hell... My father is getting insane, well maybe he's just a bloody asshole.
Today at 3am he and 10 his friends came to our house, drunk as hell. They're drinking and making such an incredible noise. After an hour my mum went to his room and asked if the could be quiet.
His friends went home and he started yelling at my mum, so I started to yelling at him... It really wasn't a nice night.
Now he threatens to stop giving us money... I hate him so much...
My contract of employment ends in June. I'll try to find a work with a higher salary ...
I probably can forget about the university. Gods! I went to the best high-school to go to university and now I've to earn money because my own father is a fucking idiot.
I have no control over my own emotions. I have to control myself realy hard to not to slap him in face.

All dogs go to heaven.... if it exists... it's so quiet here...

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 18:28:57 GMT

My love.... Good-night love... You're already sleepy... I still see you shadow on the wall...

My dog passed away yesterday. It's so damn hard. It wasn't just a god, she was like a family member with full rights. I bought her when I was 6, now I'm almost 20. When I was a kid I carried her home, yesterday I carried her body for a last time... Usually I don't cry but yesterday I was crying like a madman...

this is her last photo... my beautiful girl.

I couldn't focus myself at work at all... I can't stop thinking about her.

Over tea and gin we talked about the things we read...

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 14:41:46 GMT

I'm so lazy these days... There's a lot of things I should or have to do but I can't brace myself to do it. I just go to work , come back and then I'm sitting the rest of the day in front of my computer, reading some ff or watching some movies.

The weather is horrible... Is middle of February and it's 14'C ! It's more spring than winter... I want snow... When is winter and there's so snow I've got terrible mood.

I'll make a new header maybe it'll mend my mood.

LOST is back today!

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 16:13:06 GMT

If you're on my friends-list, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine ... You're on my list, so I want to know you better!

Be honest! Copy from here, then send directly to me in a comment, then repost the empty questions.

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
A.

2) What was your dream growing up?
A.

3) What talent do you wish you had?
A.

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
A.

5) Favorite vegetable?
A.

6) What was the last book you read?
A.

7) What zodiac sign are you?
A.

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
A.

9) Worst Habit?
A.

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
A.

11) What is your favorite sport?
A.

12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
A.

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
A.

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
A.

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
A.

16) Do you have any pets?
A.

17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?
A.

18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm...careful!)
A.

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
A.

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
A.

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
A.

22) What color eyes do you have?
A.

23) Ever been arrested?
A.

24) Bottle or can soda?
A.

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
A.

27) What's your favorite place to hang at?
A.

28) Do you believe in ghosts?
A.

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
A.

30) Do you swear a lot?
A.

31) Biggest pet peeve?
A.

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
A.

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
A.

35) Do you believe in God?
A.

36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
A.

"You think it's important? You think it's necessary? It's nothing. It's nothing. It's meaningless."

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 20:57:46 GMT

Today I acted like a complete fool. I'm a blood donor, I was giving my blood today morning and then I went to work. It wasn't wise at all... A few times I almost faint, so I had to sit behind my desk all day, because I was to weak to go home. Really, If you're going to give your blood , better take a day off.

I'm still here , maybe not so often but I'm.

YAY! LOST is back in 10 days!

The Green Fairy who lives in the Absinthe wants your soul...// Absinthe+Potions Master =Happy Rabbit

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 20:47:39 GMT

I've got a job in Social Insurance Institution. I'll start next Monday. I've to arrange formalities and complete a vocational training.
I'm not happy about it but that's a life. You have to make things you don't feel like. What's the reason? The simplest reason on earth - money.

I just have to reorganize my life. Different doesn't mean worse , does it?

Lead me to the edge don't stop....

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 21:41:26 GMT

YAY! I finally got my autographs from Michael Emerson! I'm so incredible happy! We (me and Twisk) almost get crazy when the letter from him came. He responsed really fast , it wasn't even a month!
He is such a wonderful person... (and he's so damn handsome)

"don't touch me ... I will die if you touch me..."

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 00:36:57 GMT

I know I didn't write for a long time. It's just I didn't know what and I still don't know.

It's so strange time in my life. I still don't know what I supposed to do with my life , I have no vision of my future. It's just that I always have some plans , always knew what I will do next week , next month and now I have no idea what will be tomorrow . It terrifies me a lot.

I spent a wonderful three weeks in Newmarket with Twisk. Three weeks with person who is in many ways just like me. It was time of dreams and long talks (which no one else could understand). I could rest and leave everything far away.
Thank you my sister for that amazing time.

But now I'm here again and I never was so scared.
I'm looking for some traineeship which means I've to spend much time in labour office. It isn't easy and definitely isn't pleasant.

Happy Birthday Michael!

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 17:40:21 GMT

I wish a great 53rd birthday to the sexiest man in the world!

*hug*

" behind the curtains, hidden from everyone, until I find a new life to ruin again..."

Sun, 26 Aug 2007 18:43:04 GMT

I'm back ;] Yesterday I was in job for a last time and now I have all September to rest and do anything I want to and of course for everything for what I hadn't time during I was working.

I wonder why some things which should be obvious and simple , are complicating our lives so much. I didn't talk with my father for a nearly 6 months (I'm not including quarrels to conversations) and today he came to me to wish me "happy birthday"... He started to cry, when I saw it I hugged him tightly and I started to cry too. But after this he came his way and I came mine. I want to talk with him again and I know he want it to but I don't know if I have enough courage to do the first step. But on the other hand 3th October I have a flight to and I don't know when I'll come back so I may not have many opportunities to talk with him.... I really don't know what to do.

Comes calling back , a brilliant night ,I'm still awake

Thu, 31 May 2007 20:05:53 GMT

It's the last day of my holidays. Tomorrow I'll start work at 6 am .
I'm really happy that I finally found a job but I'm a sleepyhead and It's 6 am which means that I'll have to get up at 5 am....
The worst part of is that my friend will work in another town , so we won't often see each other... I will miss her very much , well I miss her already .

ps : I pass an exam in English :) I've got 100%

He comes to me every night , No words are left to say ...

Thu, 24 May 2007 21:41:38 GMT

I'm still alive ;]
I was (well I'm...) very busy. I take the exams for the certificate of secondary education. On Monday I'll have the last exam (an oral exam in English). I hope I'll pass it. Please , keep yours fingers crossed.
I'm still looking for a holiday job and I'm still hoping that I'll find some.
I don't know if I start a studies this year. For the time being I think that I'll have to find a job and earn some money. Maybe I'll go to UK for a year? Who knows?

I could have sworn you were the man that would never betray....

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 21:33:01 GMT

That was awful week... I'm totally in pieces .
My parents are getting divorce . At last the end of lies , the end of silence.
This week was full of quarrels and bitter words.
I ended this days by taking my mom to a pub. We both needed this.
I hope this is the end of this leg.

We'll walk to Hawaii , A final sunset on the waves .....

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 19:51:32 GMT

That was crazy time... Firstly meeting with Twisk ;]
It was wonderful! Two tottaly crazy girl with huge imagination.
Hot tea , sea and conversations about everything (mainly Michel of course).
I hope you're satisfied with your holidays and your stay in Lebork . I had a great time and hope that we will recure it someday.
Thank you for those days full of dreams.

Nowadays I don't have time for anything besides school . I'll leave school in may so now I have to do my best if I want to get to univeristy.

and a few pics from our day at the seaside :

That's me That's Twisk
and Ben :P

I see the sadness of a thousand goodbyes , When I look in your eyes

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 20:47:47 GMT

At last! I had a problem with my computer ... That was terrible time , I couldn't watch new LOST episode , I couldn't even talk with my online friends ! But now I'm here again. :]
I have a quite odd mood , I’m happy because I’ve days off and my computer is again working but on the other hand I’m tottaly in pieces because of my hopeless home situation . I hate those bitter quarrels .
There’s always something what destroy perfect happiness ... always something....

And now I’m trying to get new LOST episode and I’m reading Twisks Fick . My mood always is getting better when I read about Michael and Isobel.
Thx Twisk :*

This is all I can say I have lost my way.....

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 20:25:36 GMT

That was terrible day I don't want day like this any more. I'm in pieces...
I don't want to see anyone , don't want to talk with people. I would like to bury oneself in my room.
But I can't there are duties and promises that I have to keep.

I even don't want to look in the mirror ....

Tu wszystko może się stać , Gdy słońce pójdzie już spać.....

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 20:53:39 GMT

I'm getting crazy... I'm so happy !
Today I was on the recital of my favourite singer/artist. When I saw him my heart just freezed. He so beautiful... and his voice....
It was amazing! He's the one of men of my "harem". For me thiss meeting was like meeting with Michael Emerson or Terry O'Quinn . So you can imagine how I feel.... I can't stop thinking about him ...I can't do anything else ...
When I meet him after recital and asked him for sign a DVD with his songs he looked in my eyes and smiled to me... I almost fainted in front of him.
Geeee He's so marvellous....

Fighting for it all just looking for something....

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 20:42:24 GMT

I can't stop thinking about Michael and I dont want to.
Now I'm thinking about him in The Inside... He is so damn sexy in this show. I uploaded some clips on youtube.com here's the links :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zt7MJ9xSWDc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Z4C0veeM8M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQwk3xKSAyM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3BrR1aUxkM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzU3pU2IewA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoPhIPScjG4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAaKdFC1XvM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuG7No51Upc

The man is perfect to me. Amazing actor , talented and handsome .
I'm dreaming about him all day long. His gentle voice and at the same time power in his eyes. If he looked at me I would faint. geeeee.... I envy Carrie so much...

there's a secret garden she hides .....

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 20:29:37 GMT

I'm quite cold... There was some leaking gas in my block of flats and firefighters decree that everyone have to evacuate. Fortunately now everything is all right ( well not everything - I'm terribly cold)

Today I don't feel well... I'm quite sad , actually. I don't know why , but I'm . All day I was thinking about mistakes which I make. About men whose feelings I hurted . And now I have what I wanted to. I'm alone . I don't have a person who will hug me when I'll need it. There's nobody who waiting to see my face after a hard day , nobody who's thininking about me before he fall asleep...
It's a terrible feeling...

"sometimes all we have is our dreams..."

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 16:40:31 GMT

That was the worst New Year's Eve ever. But it isn't important now. Now is the 2007 , new chaper in my/our lifes. I hope you'll be happy.

******
that's my dream I don't remember every moments of it but even those which I remember are very sad and beautiful.

I were in jungle. It was warm but not hot day. I looked at the sky over the branches.

Next moment which I remeber was in the hatch. I was sitting at the table. I was thinking about Locke ,about his smile. I was remembering the time when he learned me how throwing knives , the moment when he kissed me for a first time. I wast thinking about our relationship , about this how much I love him and how much he loved me. And I was thinking about this how he died. He was seriously wounded , he was all in blood. I was with him , I was huging him and cried. Last sentence which he said was "You have to promise me that you'll be happy..." I had time only to kiss him and then he pass away.

I started cry and then Kate walk into the hatch. She said that Ben looked for me . When she saw tham I cried she told me that Locke passed away but I'm still alive and I should go to the beach becouse Bes is waiting for me.

I remember that I stood up .
And then I woke up.
******